


True Happiness

by dreamcager



Series: Bliss, Joy, and Happiness [2]
Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Miscommunication, Romance, Sailing, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-06-09 17:53:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6917311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamcager/pseuds/dreamcager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After having exchanged a series of letters over the course of two and a half years, Anna and Edmund meet up once again.  They are both in love and both of them know it, but is that enough to keep them together?  Time away has changed things, but heartbeats remain constant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival at the Inn

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to [Deepest Regards](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6910204/chapters/15762610), my previous Annlett fanfic. If you haven't read that one I highly suggest you give it a go; it's not very long, just two chapters of letters being exchanged. I'm not very happy with my prose, so if you spot anything that you see could use some work, do direct it to my attention in the comments!

The crisp November air blew salty off the New York harbor, traveling further into the city than a stagnant hot day that summer would have allowed. Anna Strong felt the wind on her cheeks and inhaled, taking in the scent of brine. As ever, a ringlet of her chocolate brown hair had come loose from her bonnet and tickled at her neck. She reached up and with swift fingers pushed it behind her ear where it was sure to fall back hardly a minute later.

They had arrived in York City at last, Anna clutching her valise tightly in both hands. The weight was considerable, holding most of her most precious possessions and personal papers. Beside her Caleb Brewster, dressed in the red of a royalist ensign, held a trunk of her belongings. The splintering trunk contained primarily clothing. It wasn’t much, but it was all she had. It would have to do. If she had read the last letters she had received correctly then this was the last chance to turn back. From here there was no return, to Setauket or to Washington’s camp.

With a grunt, Caleb eased the crate down in front of the inn that had been designated in the letter. Wiping his brow, he turned back to Anna with a smile but hesitation warred in his fathomless eyes.

“Eh, Annie. Ya sure about this?” That voice coming from Caleb’s clean-shaved mouth never failed to surprise her. To think he had grown out his beard again over the past few years just to hack it off again. And for her sake to boot!

“Caleb…” The softness of her voice surprised even her. She cleared her throat, hoping to gain a grip on her vocals again.

“Ya know you can come back with me. I won’t mind luggin’ this thing back to Jersey. Much.” He winked, giving her trunk a half-hearted nudge with the toe of his boot.

Pursing her lips to keep from either laughing or crying, she didn’t know which, Anna shook her head, the curl breaking free from its placement behind her ear. “No. Caleb, this… this is my last chance. At true happiness. I’m sure you understand.”

Caleb glanced up at the inn then back to Anna. For a moment she didn’t think she was going to handle that sad, puppyish look he sent her way. Then he smiled and she could breathe again. “Aye. I understand, Annie. Now, c’mere!”

Not waiting for her to react, Caleb grasped her up into his arms, turning on the toes of one foot in a wild spin. Unable to help her squawk of indignation, Anna flailed for a moment then dissolved into shaky laughter. Her limbs collapsed around her friend, gripping him with the same intensity he gripped her. It was a few seconds too late before she realized she was crying.

“I’ll miss you, Caleb!” she whispered, fierce and aching. Of all her friends, he was the one who saw her the most. Ben was too often out on the main battlefield, and Abraham… It had been nearly a year since she had last met up with him, and their message had been brief. Indeed, he hadn’t even taken her hand but it was of little consequence. He did not love her as he once had. Anna only wished she could have left knowing she was still his friend.

“Annie, ya still have a few days, don’tcha?” Caleb growled into her ear, his rough voice at odds with his boyish face. “Tell ya what. If ol’ Hewlett fails to sweep ya off yer feet in that time, jus’ send me a letter with the codeword. I’ll pick ya up and bring ya right on home to Jersey. What’cha say to that?”

Anna sniffled, looking up at the inn. It was much more posh than the boarding home she had been stationed to work at down in New Bridge. She turned her gaze back to Caleb, blinking back the mist clinging to her lashes. “I say… thank you. And please, tell Ben I’m sorry I missed saying goodbye.”

Caleb smiled, nodding. “There’s my girl. Here, lemme help ya get this load up to your room.” That decided, he leaned down and hefted up the trunk with a grunt. Anna, racing ahead, opened the front door to allow him room to walk inside.

They met with the innkeeper at the desk who informed them Anna’s room was up the stairs in room nine. Caleb, to his credit, only swore three times on the way up the stairwell. This inn, while clean and fashionable, kept the rooms rather small. Anna was under the impression it had once had fewer, but thin walls had been constructed through some rooms and extra doors added for more units to rent. Her trunk seemed huge where it was shoved up under the small window afforded her. The bed was nicely made and there was a side table with a basin for water, but room for little else. Anna never would have thought traveling so with so little would be cause for relief.

With her trunk settled and Caleb giving her one last hug before dashing off, Anna plopped herself down onto the bed. The hay mattress held against her firmly. She would surely sleep well tonight. No, comfortable it may be, but sleep would likely elude her knowing that Edmund was just in the other room. But which room? Opening her valise, Anna found the leather binder she had saved his letters in and pulled the latest one out. His usual script, neat and tidy, had taken on a wobbly edge having written it while sailing across the Atlantic. Her lips quirked in a frail smile. Unfortunately the letter yielded nothing as far as room numbers were concerned. Seeing she had no choice, Anna repacked her letter and headed back downstairs to the innkeeper’s desk.

“Excuse me, sir, but I was wondering… is a Ma-Mister Edmund Hewlett lodging here?” The innkeep, an older gentleman with piercing blue eyes blinked at her owlishly. For a quiet moment Anna wondered if he had heard her at all.

“Hewett?” The innkeeper squinted down at his book, bushy eyebrows drawn together in concentration.

“That would be Hewlett, sir,” Anna correct him gently.

“Yes, yes, I see that. Ah, yes, upstairs in… room nine?” Anna’s stomach seized inside her. With such a small room, surely the two of them would look like- “Ah, no no no. Room seven.” And just like that the tension released from her shoulders. She hadn’t even realized her breath had caught until she could breathe again.

“Thank you, sir,” she intoned deeply with a polite dip of her head.

“Small man, if I recall,” the innkeep said, closing his book and sliding it into a drawer of his desk. “Went out to lunch near an hour ago. I told him we add meals into the bill but he insisted on some fresh air.” The older gentleman shrugged, not in the least offended.

Anna blinked. “Oh. Did Mister Hewlett say when he would be back?”

The innkeep blinked in response, seeming to have forgotten her completely over the course of a second. But then hummed, pulling out a pipe from his pocket and stuffing it with tobacco. He didn’t speak for a long moment and Anna had all but given up when he shook his head.

“… No, no. I don’t believe so. Would you like me to call on you when he arrives, Missus?”

“Ah, no. That won’t be necessary. Thank you.” And with that, Anna retreated upstairs. She had long gotten used to running upstairs, having stayed in rooms of second floor buildings for years. On the upper landing she found herself flushed and short of breath, unusual.

 _You’re just tired, Anna_ , she chastised herself, following the rows of doors until she found the right number. Seven. The room that had once been conjoined with hers to make a whole. She wasn’t sure what she felt about that.

Returning to her own room, Anna paced the floor of well-worn wood. For a time she contemplated napping but she feared ruining her hair. Silly, as Hewlett had surely seen her in worse states than with a few loose locks. Irritably, she pushed the renegade curl back behind her ear. After about ten minutes of worry, Anna finally settled down with a book in her hand. All she had on hand was her bible, and though she hardly considered herself religious she could appreciate the diversion for what it was. She had just opened up to Psalms, the very second verse of the first chapter mumbled from her lips when the closing of a door alerted her to movement in the room adjacent to her own.

She put her book down and pressed her ear to the thin wall, and sure enough she heard his voice, just a dull murmur, gravely, familiar. Her heart in her throat, Anna pushed herself to the edge of the bed and sat there for a few minutes, just breathing. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she bit her bottom lip. Then, with a decisive nod she pushed herself to her feet.

A moment later found her in front of the closed door of room seven. This was it. The moment she had waited and waited and waited for, ever since that chilly march day over two and a half years ago. Bracing herself, she knocked.

“Yes?” came the resounding voice of Edmund Hewlett through the door, almost sharp with irritation. “What is it?”

For a short, hesitant moment Anna didn’t know what to say. Then she spoke, her voice soft and low. “Edmund?”

All went quiet. Where she had once heard slight shifting in the room now it was perfectly still. So still she could hear her own breathing.

“Please,” he said after an elongated pause, his voice much softer this time. “Please, come in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins! I hope you're ready for a great amount of fluff, a bit of angst, and generally just a story of these two idiots realizing just how much they love each other! Also, I literally have no idea how many chapters this fanfic will have so... we'll just wing it for now! 8|b
> 
> On a serious note, for those who aren't Biblically inclined, Palms 1:2 reads "But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." (King James Version) Get it? Because Hewlett is all about the law and... I'll shut up now.


	2. Walking in Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna and Hewlett meet for the first time. Awkwardness triumphs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the story continues, hooray! I wanted to get this chapter up earlier since I seem to be on a roll, but work has been death and I keep getting distracted by my need to research information that isn't necessary for several chapters in the future. And speaking of research, I should let you all know that Turn itself is pretty terrible with keeping close to historical accuracy so if I fudge the rules in some things you'll have to forgive me the same way we forgive the show.
> 
> Again, I'm still not overly pleased with my prose writing so if you have any constructive crit I'm always available!

Anna reached for the cool wrought iron handle and tugged, pulling the door open. She didn’t know what to expect; all her greatest imaginings of meeting with Edmund Hewlett had always stopped right here. Her mind never willingly gave her good scenarios, always expecting contempt or coldness or, worst of all, overwhelming sadness reflected in his eyes. How could she face him after all she had done, betraying him to save his life and then failing to explain herself in order to force his retreat back to Scotland?

Her inhale shook as the door swung open and she stepped inside. The door hit lightly against a wall behind her but neither of them noticed. He stood with his back to the window, afternoon sunlight washing his room with gold. Anna’s gaze fixed upon his face first and she found she couldn’t read his expression. Generally, his face had remained the same as it had in her mind. He still had those high cheekbones, that awkwardly wide mouth, pale lips now slightly parted, and deep, brown eyes that stared back with just as much anticipation as Anna felt creeping through her limbs. Then she took in the room as a whole noting the brown coat he had thrown across the bed, his cocked hat on top of that, his own trunk of personal items thrown open, looking half-way rummaged through, and a few books nearly falling off the side table where they barely had room to share with the water basin.

All of this could have been taken in within just a few moments or a matter of years. Time held no meaning. And then Anna saw the dark red stain, almost black in some places, bleeding out along the white cloth cuff around his left wrist. Terror gripped her and she stumbled forward, reaching for his arm.

“Edmund! Are you hurt, you-”

“Ah! No, not at all!” He pulled back, clutching his arm to his chest and smearing more red along his white waistcoat. He grimaced, cheeks managing to color as he looked down at the offending stain. “It’s merely cherry pie. I rushed back to change, hoping I would manage to look presentable before you made it in but…”

Admitting his mistake only seemed to fluster him further and Anna pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. Relief and nerves crashed together, sullying the moment further. Well, this was Edmund Hewlett. She should not have expected anything less than awkward. Even now he seemed at a loss for how to continue. Anna decided to spare him with a suggestion.

“I will just wait outside for you, then?”

“Y-yes. Quite. I shan’t be but a minute.”

Licking her lips, Anna gave a short nod and took herself out of the room. The door closed behind her and she stood in the hall, wringing her wrists.

This was no dream. He really was here and the stark realness of it was settling in. This was the man she had been writing to, confessed to, over the past years. The one she had been separated from upon the brink of marriage. The only goal in sight that gave her reason to get out of bed each day, and yet…

And yet, now what? What if this was a mistake? Hewlett hadn’t been receptive when he had first written her back, growing warmer with each note of reply until the very last where he had claimed to want her at his side. _And my love to you…_ Now they were both here and she found her tongue tied and her hands wishing to be busy. She stilled them by grasping the thinning cloth of her skirts. Forcing deep breaths, Anna calmed her tornadic thoughts and focused on the woodgrain of the floorboards.

Patience. She had waited to see him again for nearly three years. Two years and eight months to be accurate. If it took a few minutes to compose themselves, a few hours to get reacquainted, a few days to feel fully comfortable then she could handle it.

A squeaky hinge sounded and Anna turned her face up. Hewlett stood in the doorway, a new waistcoat donned, his coat in place, his hat tucked under an arm. She watched his Adam’s apple bob over his black kerchief and his chin dipped in a nod. Slowly, a smile spread thin across his lips. She returned it with a fractured smile of her own.

“Anna.” Her name came softly off his lips as he reached for her hand. Her fingers were grasped gently in his as he brought the back of her palm to those same reverent lips. “It is lovely to see you again.”

The kiss tickled her skin and Anna’s cheeks heated. Even with his head bowed over her hand his gaze kept steady on her face. That more than anything caused her to turn away. His eyes always held such strong emotion…

“I…” Now it was her turn to swallow down thickness in her throat, willing her tongue to find itself. What to talk about now that they were here? Confessing love over letters was one thing. In person it was quite another. Instead, she latched onto a topic that was safe for both of them. “It is a shame that your business partner had to cancel after you came all this way from Scotland.”

“Ah?” His confused murmur drew her gaze back to his face. There was a crease between his brows and he seemed to be struggling to grasp what she was talking about. Then understanding dawned his features and he chuckled nervously. “Y-yes, well, the, um, gentleman in question had to return to his hometown. Some… rural area further south, I don’t quite remember the particular hamlet, and so he apologized for backing out. I only received his, er, correspondence the day before my journey began and as I had already booked the trip it seemed a shame to cancel on such short notice.”

His ramblings earned him a nod from Anna. She had a feeling he wasn’t being completely honest with her but on what point she couldn’t say. Perhaps he had been the one to call off plans. He might do that if he wanted to spend more time with her, but if she was actually returning with him to Scotland then…

Not wanting to let her thoughts get away from her, Anna forced another smile. Hewlett still had yet to release her hand. He held her smile for a moment, then cleared his throat again. “Anna. Would you do me the honor of joining me for a stroll?”

“Oh. Did you not just come from outside?”

He blinked. “Ah. Yes, of course. But you know how quickly the days end this time of year. I thought that it might be nice to take advantage of the sunlight while we still have the chance.”

His reasoning was sound. Anna nodded. “I’ll just get my cape.”

Hewlett seemed to have trouble letting go of her hand, but after a gentle tug he relented. When she returned he didn’t make to take it again. Instead, he led the way down the stairs and held the door open for her, ushering them back into the late fall chill. Out on the street there was an awkward pause, Hewlett shifting on his feet and looking anywhere but at Anna. He finally glanced up to her eyes and she offered him that same smile she had been pasting in place. That seemed to give him the motivation to gesture in one direction and start them on their way.

They walked side by side down the street, neither saying a word as they passed dozens of strangers headed to and fro. Hewlett’s gait was slower than most but Anna felt no urge to rush along. There was something fragile between them and neither wanted to be the one to tread rashly and shatter it.

“So,” Hewlett began after they had meandered down a few blocks into a quieter area of town, more homes than businesses surrounding them now, “I see you received my last letter.”

Anna paused, but soon enough took the olive branch offered her. “Yes, three days ago. I made travel arrangements as quickly as I could.”

“Please don’t think me critical of your arrival time. I suspected it would take even longer for you to make it, so I apologize if I seem…” His hand fidgeted at his side as he struggled to find a word, “ill-prepared. I thought I might have more time to collect myself before seeing you.”

At this Anna said nothing but her mind was abuzz with confusion. He had invited her, so surely he had some plan for them during this… What was this? Anna found herself questioning his intentions more and more. She wanted to ask and she had never been afraid to question before, but a cold, cavernous gap stretched out in her stomach. It seemed too risky of a jump.

Instead, she gazed around them at the quaint, crowded houses that stretched along the roadside and sighed. “The last time I visited York City I was here to pick up my husband, but then I was told he was dead.”

“I remember.” Hewlett’s voice was soft. “I hadn’t considered if this visit might remind you of that occasion. I am sorry if I have caused you any undue grief.”

“Not at all,” she hurried to say, not willing to allow him to apologize even more than he already had. “It was not a happy time in my life, but it has been years. I never had the time to really appreciate this city, is more what I was trying to say.”

“Then I shall endeavor to make certain your time here is well-spent.” He smiled at her, then. Not quite that big, happy grin she remembered but it was a smile. She would take it.

They continued their walk for a few more minutes in silence, then Hewlett broke it again.

“That was your first venture out of Setauket for an extended period of time, if I’m not mistaken. Tell me, after you left that town for good, where could you possibly have gone?”

And there it was. That line of uncertainty coming to the fore. Did she dare tell him the truth of her aims back when they had been on opposite sides? The war was still on-going, and the sight of soldiers still clad in red stayed her honesty.

“Somewhere private with some friends,” she hedged, hoping the speeding of her heartbeat wasn’t evident in her movements.

He stopped. Anna kept walking a few more paces, then turned and looked back at him, her lips pouting in a frown. She used to think she could read his expressions so easily, but it seemed time had changed that. Either Hewlett had studied the art of looking neutral or she had romanticized her own powers of insight. His jaw worked wordlessly for half a minute, then he released a resigned breath.

“Anna, can you not be honest with me?”

“W-what?” Her voice came shakier than she intended.

“I mean, I thought that-” and he snapped his mouth shut, his thin lips stretching into a strict line.

 _Thought what?_ her mind screamed but she tamped down her irritation and sought to bridge the gap that threatened to widen between them. “I did not think you knowing that would be necessary.”

“Let me be clear,” Hewlett said, his voice soft. If she didn’t know better, Anna might have thought his tone of voice indicated danger but he would never hurt her. Even after all the hurt she had given him she knew he could never repay that back in turn. He cleared his throat and continued, “I do not care about what has happened in your past. I never have, but do you really think we need to keep secrets from one another?”

“Secrets?” It was on the tip of her tongue to deny that she had any to keep, but to outright lie to him seemed cruel. Instead she turned her head away, trying to find a solution, any way out of her problem. Her gazed locked onto a black cat skirting the front stoop of a house. The creature stalked some query out of her line of sight. No answers were forthcoming.

Anna wasn’t sure how long they stood there in the middle of the street. A few coaches and several people on foot passed them by. Eventually, Hewlett sighed again and shook his head.

“That’s that, then.” He started to turn away.

Stumbling forward, Anna rushed to catch his arm. “Edmund, wait!”

They stared at each other, faces close, her breathes coming short in her panic while he remained stoic, almost cold. But the look in his eyes was anything but quiet. There were storms brewing in his dark brown irises and Anna had to wonder if her own eyes were mirroring that same intensity.

What could she say? She couldn’t tell him the truth, she couldn’t say anything. After the moment passed, his gaze lowered from hers and he tenderly took her arm in his. When he spoke his voice had gentled. “Best we get back before dark. I won’t have you catching a chill.”

It was then she noticed the lamplighter had both come and gone while they had been trapped in their deadlock. Anna couldn’t find her voice, so instead she nodded her agreement. Slow and unspeaking they made their way back towards their inn. While they remained arm-in-arm Anna felt the distance stretching between them.

 

Anna lay on her bed that night, thinking and rolling and regretting. It was likely near midnight by now and she had just retired, her nose still catching scent of her candle freshly extinguished.

Earlier that evening she had gone down to the common room of the inn and taken her dinner. Hewlett hadn’t been in attendance when she arrived so Anna had waited at her table, hoping to see him again before bed. But after five hours of sitting with nothing to do, fending off conversation starters posed by other men dropping in for dinner, Anna had left with a feeling of defeat.

Maybe she had read too much into those letters. She had poured her soul out to Edmund Hewlett, writing things she could not say aloud to anyone. She thought he had done the same in return, only the difference was that Hewlett had been such a forthcoming man. She had never known him to hide what he was thinking but after today she had to wonder if that was another aspect of him that had changed. So much had been said on their walk and so little.

Anna had wanted that same Hewlett back that had smiled up at her so grandly as she descended the stairs to attend their wedding. She wanted that man who spoke so passionately of science and the arts. The man that vowed to protect her and claimed that he loved her. Had she really ruined him so thoroughly with her accusations those two and some years ago?

A sound from the other room distracted her and Anna stiffened, her body tense and her breath still. She almost thought she imagined it, but then again she heard it, a distinct mumble. He was talking, perhaps praying, and while she couldn’t make out the words she sensed nothing but gentleness in his voice.

Turning to the wall between them she put her hand to the wood and felt the roughness of the grain. He would be just on the other side, his bed pressed up to the wall just as hers was. Licking her suddenly dry lips, Anna whispered in the dark. “Edmund?”

The noise on the other side stopped. The silence stretched for over a minute, but then when his speaking resumed it seemed closer. She still could not quite make out the words but she didn’t need to.

Closing her eyes, Anna let her forehead fall against the wall and listened. She fell asleep that way, lulled into the darkness by the tone of his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! These poor dears need to learn how to communicate with their words!
> 
> There's no real good way to say this, but I wanted you all to know that I'll be raising the rating of this fic from M to E. I'm sure most of you don't mind a little smut (we get glimpses of sexytimes in the show itself) but I realized a lot of what I want to accomplish in this fic can only be done if I'm a bit more in-depth with some of the steamy scenes I plan on writing later, so for better or for worse this story is climbing the rating ladder!


	3. Rekindling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edmund and Anna spend time together, circling around and around and around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for my lack of updates these past few months. Real life hit me _hard_ and I basically needed a time out. So I put myself on hiatus; literally haven't done much in the past three and a half months except recover.
> 
> Unfortunately I can't really guarantee updates coming at regular intervals or at a decent speed. I plan on looking for a new place to live this month, but most of real life's bullshit is behind me. Basically, hope for the best but expect the worst lol

Despite her late night Anna woke early the next morning. She washed her face with the water from her basin and dressed for the day, pinning her hair back under her bonnet as she had before. She gave herself another few minutes of alone time just sitting on her bed and looking out her window. It was past dawn but the sky had yet to fully brighten for the day.

She told herself today would be better and stood, intending to head down for breakfast. She wasn’t going to allow Hewlett to stay cooped up in his room all day if he tried avoiding her again, but she could give him the morning if that’s what he needed.

As Anna pushed open her door the one next to hers swung open as well and Hewlett stepped out. The two stopped and stared. His face mirrored her own surprise, but hers was the first to wear off. Anna offered Hewlett a smile and a nod of greeting.

“Good morning.” Her greeting broke the spell over him and Hewlett nodded back in return.

“Good morning, Anna. On your way to breakfast, I presume? If you wouldn’t mind, might I join you?”

“Please,” Anna said, grateful for any chance to latch onto him. He responded with that tight-lipped smile he’d been using since yesterday and again led the way downstairs. Anna found them a small table while Hewlett saw to placing an order for them. She watched the doddering old innkeeper vex Hewlett with his borderline absentmindedness and had to suppress a smile when the Scot returned, his brow furrowed.

“Before staying here I did not realize an order of eggs, bacon and tea could be such a trial,” he groused, easing down into the chair opposite Anna. She lost her ability to school her features then, releasing a soft laugh.

“Is that why you went out for lunch yesterday? To spare yourself from a few minutes of struggle?”

“Trust me, my dear, after staying here for half a week I have had more than a few minutes of my time lost just trying to gain the man’s attention.” She laughed again but it was short lived. Half a week. She had gotten his letter four days ago now so that was certainly accurate, but now she wondered how long he planned on staying. With his business no longer in the way they had all the time he was willing to stay at their disposal, but how long would that be?

Hewlett’s expression changed from grumpy to concerned and Anna realized she was biting her lip. She forced herself to relax and turned her gaze to her hands, clasped together on the table between them.

“I should apologize, Edmund. Yesterday I was not forthcoming with you and,” she took a deep breath, willing her voice to remain steady, “I still cannot tell you some things. Not yet. But I do want to tell you. Someday.”

She fell quiet and awaited his answer, but he didn’t say a word. She didn’t dare look up from her hands, clenched together, her rough fingertips tracing back and forth along her knuckles. Anna didn’t want to see the expression on his face but the longer she kept her head down the more her mind screamed and begged him to say something.

The thunk of a teapot being set on their table startled her into looking up. The innkeeper didn’t seem to realize he had come into a very strained conversation, carrying on with unloading two saucers, tea cups, milk and sugar onto their table.

“You realize that tea comes with an up charge.”

“Yes, yes, Mister Greene,” Hewlett said testily, “you’ve told me every time I’ve ordered it.”

If the innkeeper recognized Hewlett’s annoyance he ignored it. Once the man was out of earshot Anna turned back to Hewlett and gave him what she hoped would be a look sufficient to scold him. The response she got was a pouty frown.

“Edmund…”

“Don’t look at me like that, Anna.” Her brows raised at that statement.

“I just think you could stand to be a bit more tolerant.” He huffed but Anna cut in again before he could dismiss her. “Edmund, consider the situation. The poor man is obviously left to run this place alone. Without any children to help him he can only do his best.”

“Perhaps he could hire outside help,” the retired soldier suggested, but Anna only frowned.

“And expect strangers to not take advantage of his situation? I’m certain he’s considered it.”

Hewlett drummed fingertips on the table, unconvinced. Anna prepared to drop the topic but he spoke again, drawing her back into it. “… You seem to have grown a lot of compassion for the man after only being here one day and night.”

Unsure of what he was getting at by that Anna scrutinized his face but found herself at a loss for his thoughts. Again, she questioned her abilities to read men and Edmund Hewlett in particular. Giving up she sighed, her hands moving to twist her napkin in her lap.

“When you’ve seen as many dying soldiers as I have, you start to wonder about the family they left back home. You know,” she said, her eyes downcast, “sometimes men are so badly torn apart by canonfire you cannot even identify them. Do parents of some of those young men ever hear about the fate of their child? I…”

She stopped speaking, taking a deep breath to steady herself. If she kept this up she would be in tears. Swallowing the thickness that had grown in her throat Anna looked up only to see Edmund had turned away from her. His gaze was on the innkeeper again, the older gentleman doing his best to keep up with a rowdy group of traders. Anna, again, wasn’t sure what she saw in his eyes anymore but they had softened considerably.

Hewlett’s profile to her was solid, boxy in his coat and yet he was smaller than she remembered. His expression was neutral but there were more lines in his face than she remembered as well. Hadn’t his wrinkles only showed when he smiled the last time she had seen him? The darkness under his eyes gave her cause to wonder if he had slept badly. Just the tiniest hint of dark sideburns peeked out underneath his wig.

Silence reigned for a solid minute before Hewlett turned back to her. She averted her eyes a moment too late and cleared her throat in an attempt to cover her staring. “I, ah, haven’t had tea in ages. It’s much too expensive. Really, Edmund, you shouldn’t have.”

“Oh, not at all,” he muttered, reaching for the pot to pour some tea into their cups.

 

The rest of the day and much of several after were spent in idle window shopping. Bookstores and coffeeshops were on nearly every block, a new scene to explore or a fresh taste to indulge in. They lingered over books on poetry, sometimes reading aloud a verse that struck them at that particular moment. Sometimes they even missed afternoon tea, time losing all meaning.

They bickered over tabs at coffeeshops, pubs, and other inn kitchens; their own hotel’s tab continued to be held in Hewlett’s name despite Anna’s protests.

“It’s only fair I pay for some things, Edmund,” Anna insisted after his third stubborn refusal. She placed her coins down on the table with a firm hand. “You have been kind enough to handle our lodgings. A cup of coffee now and then is hardly going to bankrupt me!”

“I don’t mean to be overbearing,” he said, relenting at last but there was an odd glint in his eye, “however, as a widow you must know it makes one wonder how you can remain financially stable. I was not given the impression Selah Strong had anything left for you to inherit.”

“I held employment at taverns wherever I traveled.” The response may have been vague but there was little more she could say on the matter. Luckily, Hewlett did not pursue the subject.

For the most part they didn’t buy any objects though they made a detour to a smoke shop for Hewlett who wanted to bring back some pipe tobacco home to his father. The sweet-talking proprietor even convinced Hewlett to purchase his best cigar, saying it would be “the richest smoke he’d ever experienced.”

In the park Hewlett muttered about his own lack of restraint and rambled on about not even being a social smoker. Anna remained quiet, intent on his reaction when he took the first puff. He fell into a frightful gale of coughing, stuttering in its wake that he should have known better. He might have been tempted to throw it away but Anna plucked the thick stump from his surprised lips and took a drag herself. Stressful nights stealing smokes from Caleb’s pipe back at the camp did her a good turn and she remained completely composed. A glance back at Hewlett had her raising her brows. His mouth had fallen open and he stared at her with unabashed shock. She wiped that look off his face with a wink and he turned away, his cheek’s rosing brightly.

He let her have the rest to herself and his demeanor remained subdued throughout the evening.

The tiny moments, idle and busy, gave Anna such a feeling of distraction. It seemed she had fallen into a simple, pleasant daydream. But one day it would have to end. Every night she prayed to whomever would hear that her dream would continue, that she would always wake to find Hewlett only a thin wall away. She feared what might happen to them should reality reassert itself.

 

It was the eighth day after Anna arrived in York City that it began to snow while they took an evening walk along the harbor. Her thin shawl, hardly protection at all from the cold, did her little good as she tucked it closer. Without a word Hewlett placed his arm around her, drawing her into his warmth as he led them off the road and into an alley. The break from the wind was heaven.

Further down the street Anna had spied a few drunken sailors teetering on their way to another pub. A bell rang out from a ship docking nearby, the timbers fighting the choppy surf. Several men scrambled to secure it with thick ropes. Anna watched on, uninterested in the proceedings, just soaking in the heat shared between herself and Hewlett.

“My ship home leaves in two days time,” Hewlett said abruptly, dragging Anna from her thoughts. All the pleasant warmth seemed to sap away in that instant and she took a step back, trying to catch Hewlett’s eye. His gaze remained on the sea, wistful and dark.

“…Edmund,” she said after a few moments of silence, “why didn’t you tell me your plans to leave sooner?”

His chest filled and emptied of air slowly, then he finally turned to her, his face an expressionless mask.

“Anna my dear, I have been waiting for confirmation; a word, a sign, anything.” He paused, taking a moment to swallow. Hewlett’s hands stretched then fisted at his sides. “It has been nothing short of idyllic being with you this past week. I have allowed myself the perhaps misguided luxury of thinking you coming here might carry more meaning than it actually does, and I am truly sorry if that upsets you. I did not mean to presume…”

Anna waited several seconds hoping he would elaborate but Hewlett it seemed had lost his nerve. He glanced away from her, his fingers continuing to flex and curl at intervals.

Unable to stomach his silence any longer Anna shook her head, fear gripping her heart. She couldn’t let this be their end, not another disastrous parting. Not again. Never again.

“Edmund…” Her hands sought one of his, her small fingers tightening around his in a firm grip.

Startled, he gasped. “Anna, you’re freezing! We should return-”

“No! Stop.” Her voice was soft, quivering even to her own ears but he relented, stilling once again.

Anna looked up, meeting his gaze and hoping to see something there. Kindness, adoration, hesitation. Fear. A mirror that reflected the same hope and bane of her own heart. Could that mutual understanding be enough?

It was sink or swim. The shore seemed too distant but Anna refused to let drowning steal away her resolve. It would be like when she and Abe and Ben and Caleb were all children, playing along the bay. During the heat of summer you could jump in and not fear getting sick, but the water was frightfully cold. She always steeled herself, counted to three and took a deep breath, then…

_One…_

“Come now, Anna,” Hewlett said, tugging her hands gently, urging.

_Two…_

He rambled on, oblivious to her thoughts. “It is of utmost importance that we return to our lodgings. Really, you needn’t pay my foolishness any mind.”

_Three…_

“I mean, it’s hardly-”

“ _I love you!_ ” The words burst from her; a gunshot in the middle of prayer.

Hewlett stopped, tense and unreadable. His features blurred into obscurity. Anna inhaled, her breath thick with a sob.

“I love you… I love you, Edmund, I love you.” She whispered the words over and over, unable to stop herself as the confessions emptied her out of tears. Relief and terror intermingled, leaving her breathless and quaking. Soon she couldn’t even see him through her tears.

Another eternity stretched between them. Then, as she began to feel hallowed out and worn, tender arms encircled her and the gentlest of kisses pressed to her brow.

“Oh… dear, I’ve made a mess of things,” Hewlett said, voice strangled. He did not cry but the slightest tremble of his hands indicated a deep, raw emotion gripping him.

“Edmund?”

“Anna, my dearest.” A thumb glanced across her cheek, wiping away the salty trail.

She blinked and Hewlett came back into focus. So close… He smiled.

“I love you as well, and a great fool I have been holding my feelings back from you. As a man I should have taken charge, I should have been the one to speak first! I should-” But whatever else he should have done was of little import. Anna silenced his tirade with the press of her lips to his. Hewlett made it clear with his response that _should_ no longer mattered in face of what they were _doing_ right then.

Anna’s heart warmed. The snow slowed to a stop.


End file.
